Christmas and other goings on....

Well Christmas was really nice this year and I enjoyed the season. On Christmas Eve my kids go to their dad's and spend time with him and his family. I went to my cousin's apartment with my mom & my nephew and watched her kids and my other cousin open their gifts.

Christmas Day was fun because it was the first year that Kaden was really into it. He kept wanting "pesents" and would say "For me? I can open?"... I bought him some clothes and a new tricycle. I will post pictures soon when the weather is a bit better, I get him a helmet, and he can ride in my street. He can't pedal yet so he's so funny to watch doing it Flinstone style. I got some nice gifts, a watch I wanted from Joey and I got a new vacuum which I needed badly!!!

Last night I spent the night at Dameron Hospital. Jordan fell at basketball practice at Franklin and thought he broke his elbow. So my mom called me at work, I rushed to meet her at Dameron, and we waited. They x-ray'd his elbow and said there were no "obvious" fractures but the tissue was swollen and bruised. He couldn't put his arm straight because it hurt so bad so they put it in a splint and a sling and said to follow up with Kaiser the next day.

So, today we went to Kaiser and they said it was still too soon to x-ray again but he could move it a little more, but he still can't straighten out. He has to keep the splint on and in the sling and we have a new appointment on Monday for a new x-ray to make for certain there are no fractures.

I'm telling you this kid has had more x-rays than my other 2 put together. He broke his wrist 2 1/2 years ago playing basketball. There was a pen on the court/playground and he stepped on it and rolled and landed on his hand. He's always falling on his left hand too which is bad because he's left handed.

I'm thinking it won't be broken but we'll have to wait and see. If it is he will miss out on basketball and maybe baseball this season and we don't want that to happen.

Well I'm off to work, which is something I've been doing massively for the season. I'm so glad it's almost over. I say almost because we still have returns and after Christmas sales so we have yet to slow down. LOL

Christmas Tree

I've been working 14-16 hour days for a few weeks not so I never really had a chance to get a Christmas tree. If I wasn't working I was exhausted, I mean I only started my Christmas shopping last Friday so you do the math.

Yesterday I finally decided I wasn't going to get a tree because I'd be the one doing all of the work with it anyway so why bother. Well Jordan must have wanted one because he said he would help put it up and take it down. So I worked today 5:45 a.m.-1:30 p.m. and then went to a baby shower while Jordan was at his friends.


After I picked Jordan up from his friend's house I headed to S-mart to get one of their nice $19.99 trees. Well we pull up and of course, they are all out. So we got the only thing they had left.

I'm still trying to figure out how to put some lights on it.

Happy 16th Birthday Jordan...

Man 16... I can't believe my baby is 16. It just seems like yesterday he was born then went to kindergarten and started playing baseball and football and all the things little boys love to do. Kaden woke him up by telling him "Happy Bitday" (not misspelled) Jodan (again, not misspelled)... LOL

We went to his favorite place to eat Chili's and they came and sang Happy Birthday to him and brought him a milkshake. He was soooooooo embarrassed. LOL It's such a change because we went there once when he was little and he went to the bathroom and told me now was the time to tell the waitresses to surprise him by singing Happy Birthday and bringing him a shake. LOL I reminded him of that but he didn't remember.

He's not driving yet, and won't be for a while, he also is not working yet, and prolly won't for a while because he needs to concentrate on getting his grades up. I'm a little sad he's growing up so fast but I'm also glad I'm here to see it. So many things could have gone a worse way this year so I'm enjoying it all.

Happy Birthday Jordan!

Jordan on his 13th birthday......

Jordan May 12, 2006 with Kaden (oh yeah, and his broken wrist)... LOL

Back to normal?

Well it's been a month since I finished radiation and things are getting pretty much back to normal. But it's a new normal, there is the normal before the cancer and the new normal after the cancer. I'm taking medication daily and I now have scars, physical and otherwise, that were not there before, my skin is still healing, it's a funny color and with my shirt off I can see the square area where the radiation went and I'm still peeling. It's almost like a sunburn peel but a little different.

I've gone back to working at the store lots of hours, just like I would any other holiday. I still can tire a little more easily than normal. I get bursts of energy where I feel like I could climb a mountain, the other day I cleared off my entire kitchen counters and wipped them down then I scrapped the grout of the tile and though, hey when I'm done I'll go do this in the bathroom. Well that did not happen, once I was done in the kitchen I was exhausted. LOL I'm trying to get back to cooking on my nights off and sometimes when I do I wind up leaving the dishes until the next day because I'm too tired to do them at night.

I'm a changed person in many ways, none that I think people will really notice or see on the outside but I can feel it.

I did see my oncologist a week ago and he said I'm doing great. I have to keep taking my pills and have a mammogram once year and be very aware of any changes to my breasts. He was on my for about 20 minutes about my weight, which I expected, but didn't care to hear. It's not like I think I'm thin. I know I'm fat, I know it's not good, I know it needs to be changed. I want to change it I really do, and I will when I'm ready. I'm looking into getting some walking shoes and starting there, I need a really good pair so I'll wait until after Christmas when I have the extra money for me. I've found a really good pair of New Balance that I am going to get me, they are actually running shoes but I've been told that's a good thing to get.

It's actually more expensive to eat healthy than it is to eat badly... LOL I mean have you seen the price of fruits and veggies? Plus I'm not a big veggie fan so that is going to be a hard one to get in on a daily basis. But I will get it done. I know I can. After what I've been through, I can do ANYTHING!

Just a craptastic weekend...

The weekend started out not so good on Friday and continued from there. Without getting into it I just had a bad day Friday and had to take care of some stuff that I thought I had already taken care of but didn't... Not a good beginning....

I worked on Saturday for 4 hours and then had my grandson for the night, of course that was great.... But the day just went by too fast.

Then Sunday morning comes and my dad calls to let me know his mother, my grandmother passed away last night. She has had a few strokes and wasn't really doing well the past week or so and he told me last week he didn't think it would be long. So I'm sad and guilty all in one.

See, I used to go visit my grandmother in the first home they put her in and she would always say bad things to me, before that she used to give me birthday cards that said she knew I didn't like her or old people but here's a check for my birthday anyway...

Now I'm not trying to make her out to be a bad person, because she was not, but I had aunts and cousins that used to fill her head with lots of things about my dad and us while using her money for their food, rent, clothes, etc... My dad put a stop to that as soon as he found out.

But for some reason she would do and say these mean things to me. So I stopped going to visit her. Truth be told I have not seen her for over 4 years. And while I have felt bad about it, I just really couldn't handle the negative visits, even though I knew she was old and it wasn't her fault.

So now she's gone and my dad will not be having a service for her, he will prolly just bury her by his dad who has been dead for many years, way before I was ever even thought of, way before my parents even met. He said why have a service for people to come to when people didn't even come see her when she was alive. While he was not referring to me because he knew and understood why I didn't go, it still hurt and the guilt came on. He mean my aunts, his sisters because after he cut off their access to her money they stopped coming around. One aunt hasn't seen her in over 5 years and the other one way longer and like me they live nearby one is in Stockton and one in Clements. My uncle, my dad's brother, is in prison in Washington state but even before that he only came to her for money too. My dad has decided he won't even call any of them to let them know of her passing. I'm not sure I agree, but I understand.

So, I'm sitting here feeling like the worst person who ever lived and feeling really bad for my dad for losing his mom. I do take comfort in the fact she was in no pain, he was there with her and she just closed her eyes, fell asleep, and then she was gone. I know she had visitors and I kept updated on her because my mom has a friend that was in the same home and she would visit them both often, in fact she just went out there on Tuesday and got her to eat a little chcolate pudding. But then I feel crappy again because my mom, her ex-DIL even went to see her. There's nothing I can do to change the past but I hope my dad doesn't hate me.

Rest in peace Grandma Audrey, because I know I may not have shown it, but I did love you and you will be missed.

What's with this new curly hair?

Today I had the day off, the perk of being a county worker... So last night I went and picked up my grandson Kaden so he could stay with me today. Since I had the day off I took a late shower and didn't even waste the time trying to blow dry my hair and fix it.

So I combed it out and let it dry naturally. Well imagine my shock and surprise when it dried and my normally straight hair was very curly. I have long hair so it's not tight curls but they are curls nonetheless...

Ok, I have had straight hair since the day I was born, I used to have to pay very good money to get even the idea of curls in my hair, not to mention scrunching and spraying and gelling... I'm sure I did my fair share of damage to the ozone layer in the 80's with all the Aqua Net I used to use.

I don't know if I like this new discovery or not, I'm still trying to figure out where it all came from. Maybe tomorrow I'll see if it does it again, I just won't blow dry it and straighten it in the morning. It will be an experiment. LOL

What does the future hold?

One thing I need to get back on track with, that I was doing before the diagnosis, is losing all this EXCESS weigh on my fat butt. I'm very obviously NOT a small girl, I'm actually very big. But I'm going to get back in gear to work on that.

I haven't always been a big girl, I mean I haven't been a tiny girl, I'm just not built that way but I want to be healthy. It's about weight but it's also about health. Even my oncologist has said I need to lose and I know it.

So, I've got to come up with a plan of action. I have a gym membership, and I actually normally like the gym I just need to find the time. I don't have a plan yet, but I'm going to make one. I have to do it in a way that it will go off and stay off. None of that yo-yo stuff.


What to do, what to do?

Old picture of me and Wendy... I think I was a size 7. OMG!