Back to normal?

Well it's been a month since I finished radiation and things are getting pretty much back to normal. But it's a new normal, there is the normal before the cancer and the new normal after the cancer. I'm taking medication daily and I now have scars, physical and otherwise, that were not there before, my skin is still healing, it's a funny color and with my shirt off I can see the square area where the radiation went and I'm still peeling. It's almost like a sunburn peel but a little different.

I've gone back to working at the store lots of hours, just like I would any other holiday. I still can tire a little more easily than normal. I get bursts of energy where I feel like I could climb a mountain, the other day I cleared off my entire kitchen counters and wipped them down then I scrapped the grout of the tile and though, hey when I'm done I'll go do this in the bathroom. Well that did not happen, once I was done in the kitchen I was exhausted. LOL I'm trying to get back to cooking on my nights off and sometimes when I do I wind up leaving the dishes until the next day because I'm too tired to do them at night.

I'm a changed person in many ways, none that I think people will really notice or see on the outside but I can feel it.

I did see my oncologist a week ago and he said I'm doing great. I have to keep taking my pills and have a mammogram once year and be very aware of any changes to my breasts. He was on my for about 20 minutes about my weight, which I expected, but didn't care to hear. It's not like I think I'm thin. I know I'm fat, I know it's not good, I know it needs to be changed. I want to change it I really do, and I will when I'm ready. I'm looking into getting some walking shoes and starting there, I need a really good pair so I'll wait until after Christmas when I have the extra money for me. I've found a really good pair of New Balance that I am going to get me, they are actually running shoes but I've been told that's a good thing to get.

It's actually more expensive to eat healthy than it is to eat badly... LOL I mean have you seen the price of fruits and veggies? Plus I'm not a big veggie fan so that is going to be a hard one to get in on a daily basis. But I will get it done. I know I can. After what I've been through, I can do ANYTHING!

Just a craptastic weekend...

The weekend started out not so good on Friday and continued from there. Without getting into it I just had a bad day Friday and had to take care of some stuff that I thought I had already taken care of but didn't... Not a good beginning....

I worked on Saturday for 4 hours and then had my grandson for the night, of course that was great.... But the day just went by too fast.

Then Sunday morning comes and my dad calls to let me know his mother, my grandmother passed away last night. She has had a few strokes and wasn't really doing well the past week or so and he told me last week he didn't think it would be long. So I'm sad and guilty all in one.

See, I used to go visit my grandmother in the first home they put her in and she would always say bad things to me, before that she used to give me birthday cards that said she knew I didn't like her or old people but here's a check for my birthday anyway...

Now I'm not trying to make her out to be a bad person, because she was not, but I had aunts and cousins that used to fill her head with lots of things about my dad and us while using her money for their food, rent, clothes, etc... My dad put a stop to that as soon as he found out.

But for some reason she would do and say these mean things to me. So I stopped going to visit her. Truth be told I have not seen her for over 4 years. And while I have felt bad about it, I just really couldn't handle the negative visits, even though I knew she was old and it wasn't her fault.

So now she's gone and my dad will not be having a service for her, he will prolly just bury her by his dad who has been dead for many years, way before I was ever even thought of, way before my parents even met. He said why have a service for people to come to when people didn't even come see her when she was alive. While he was not referring to me because he knew and understood why I didn't go, it still hurt and the guilt came on. He mean my aunts, his sisters because after he cut off their access to her money they stopped coming around. One aunt hasn't seen her in over 5 years and the other one way longer and like me they live nearby one is in Stockton and one in Clements. My uncle, my dad's brother, is in prison in Washington state but even before that he only came to her for money too. My dad has decided he won't even call any of them to let them know of her passing. I'm not sure I agree, but I understand.

So, I'm sitting here feeling like the worst person who ever lived and feeling really bad for my dad for losing his mom. I do take comfort in the fact she was in no pain, he was there with her and she just closed her eyes, fell asleep, and then she was gone. I know she had visitors and I kept updated on her because my mom has a friend that was in the same home and she would visit them both often, in fact she just went out there on Tuesday and got her to eat a little chcolate pudding. But then I feel crappy again because my mom, her ex-DIL even went to see her. There's nothing I can do to change the past but I hope my dad doesn't hate me.

Rest in peace Grandma Audrey, because I know I may not have shown it, but I did love you and you will be missed.

What's with this new curly hair?

Today I had the day off, the perk of being a county worker... So last night I went and picked up my grandson Kaden so he could stay with me today. Since I had the day off I took a late shower and didn't even waste the time trying to blow dry my hair and fix it.

So I combed it out and let it dry naturally. Well imagine my shock and surprise when it dried and my normally straight hair was very curly. I have long hair so it's not tight curls but they are curls nonetheless...

Ok, I have had straight hair since the day I was born, I used to have to pay very good money to get even the idea of curls in my hair, not to mention scrunching and spraying and gelling... I'm sure I did my fair share of damage to the ozone layer in the 80's with all the Aqua Net I used to use.

I don't know if I like this new discovery or not, I'm still trying to figure out where it all came from. Maybe tomorrow I'll see if it does it again, I just won't blow dry it and straighten it in the morning. It will be an experiment. LOL

What does the future hold?

One thing I need to get back on track with, that I was doing before the diagnosis, is losing all this EXCESS weigh on my fat butt. I'm very obviously NOT a small girl, I'm actually very big. But I'm going to get back in gear to work on that.

I haven't always been a big girl, I mean I haven't been a tiny girl, I'm just not built that way but I want to be healthy. It's about weight but it's also about health. Even my oncologist has said I need to lose and I know it.

So, I've got to come up with a plan of action. I have a gym membership, and I actually normally like the gym I just need to find the time. I don't have a plan yet, but I'm going to make one. I have to do it in a way that it will go off and stay off. None of that yo-yo stuff.


What to do, what to do?

Old picture of me and Wendy... I think I was a size 7. OMG!

Halloween 08 and mall trick or treating

Well I took Kaden trick or treating in the mall for Halloween. His mommy was at work and his daddy stayed home so it was just him and Grandma. He had fun and got lots of candy even though when we were done he told me there were "too much 'tids' (kids)". He's really not used to being around a lot of kids Jordan and Robert are pretty much it except for Sam's sister's kids and even they are a little older. He plays with Isaiah (my cousin Amanda's son) but not a lot either.

After we went trick or treating we got a Jack O'lantern pizza from Papa Murphy's it was cute and he liked it.


Spiderman showing his muscles

He was flirting with the girls at Penney's

He really didn't get what was going on

I'm eating my candy Grandma

We got a Jack O' lantern pizza from Papa Murphy's

I'm done I graduated!!!! And I got new BRAS!!!

Well on Friday I went in for my radiation appointment wondering if it was going to be my last. Well it was!!!!!! Yes, I was so excited I can't even tell you how happy I was. While all the people are really nice, from the receptionists, to the nurse, to the doctor but especially the technicians. They were awesome and I appreciated all they did for me.


I got a certificate and a little graduation bear which I thought was great!

It says Mary Franks has completed the prescribed course of Radiation Therapy with a high order of proficiency in the science and art of being cheerful, outstanding in courage, tolerant and determined in all endeavors. Then it has all of my technicians names and signed by the doctor.

It's not often I'm called cheerful. LOL

Well when this all started I was in dire need of some new bras. I hate to shop for most clothes, bras included. It's not easy for me to buy thing or find things I like that fit or look ok since I'm NOT a small girl. Well after my surgeries all I could wear were sports bras. Those suckers are expensive so I only got two. I alternated them, washed them, and hated them. I had to wear tank tops under most of my shirts because you could see the bras. Well now I'm ok to wear "real & normal" bras. So shopping I went.


Imagine my surprise when I went into work at Penney's today hell bent on buying me some bras after work no matter what I had to spend, and saw that they were on morning doorbuster. Talk about luck. Not only were all the bras on sale for $17.99 we had coupons for if you spend $50 you get $10 off or if you spend $75 you get $15 off, PLUS my 20% discount. Life is great.


So I bought me 5 new bras to bring home and try on and I decided to pick 3 to keep. It was too hot in the store to try them on there and I wanted to be able to check them out really good before deciding. I actually got $30/$35 bras for $11.99 each.

Now there is a difference in the way they fit because of course after the tissue removal my right breast is a little bit smaller now and shaped different. But it's there, it's healthy, and soon will be almost back to normal skin wise (I'm REALLY peeling) so that's just a little price to pay.

I thank God and all the doctors and all my family and friends for getting me through this. I still have issues to deal with but for now I'm feeling great!