Wow!!! It's been a while!!!

Well I haven't been here in what seems like forever and a day. So much has happened and I don't think I can fit it all in here tonight. My health is good, my boys and my grandson are good, and most of my family good.

Today was a very sad day, my Aunt Shirley, my mom's oldest and only remaining sister passed away last Saturday and today was the day we said goodbye. She has been ill for a very long time and while I'm so glad she is no longer in pain I am going to miss her so very much. She was such a huge part of my life and to say she influenced me a lot would be an understatement.

She gave me my name (Mary Yvonne, Shirley Yvonne) and a sense of what it is to be a strong, independant, woman. We had an issue a couple of years ago but I know she loved me and I loved her.

I spent my summers at her house as a child with my cousins, who are more like siblings to me, and it breaks my heart to see their pain, a pain that comes with losing someone who meant the world to you.

My mom is being strong but I know she is dying inside, they were very close and my mom helped take care of her and did everything she could for her. She was there when she took her very last breath and I think in a way it comforts her to know she saw all that pain just disappear.

It's amazing how we can sometimes take the people in our lives for granted and how we can hurt each other over little non important things. While I don't plan on being perfect in life, lol who is, I am learning that you can't change people and you certainly can't make them be what you feel or think they should be. All you can do is take care of you and be yourself. Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind DON'T matter. Very cliche but so very true.

So after a long draining day I'm signing off and trying to get some sleep. God Bless, and take care.

OMG I'm back...

Yes, I'm back. We didn't have internet for a loooooooong time for one reason or another. I was finally able to get my old provider back, but it took so long I had to change my e-mail address. Grrrr... I loved my old one. Only thing different is in the middle instead of an underscore, I have a hyphen. Otherwise it's all the same.

Oh my goodness so many things have happened in the long time I've been gone. I don't have the time now to update but I will soon. For now I'm just checking in. I'm good, family is good, health is good...

It's good to be back because even if no one reads this it's very cathardic for me to be able to vent or just get things out.

Been a while...

It's been a bit since I've been here so I'm here to give a briefe update on the health front and other stuff.


Healthywise I'm doing great. Still on my meds and visiting my doctor once every three months like a good little (or not so little) girl. Yay me!!!


We just finished Jordan's second year of high school baseball, they did ok, could have done better but hey, they are learning a lot which is what JV is for. Come Varsity time they are going to rock!!! As long as they get a coach who is worth a crap, hopefully they don't bring back the varsity coach they had this year.



Here's a few pictures of the season...

2009 Franklin JV Baseball Team

Jordan pitching his last game of the season at Lincoln...

Jordan after the game (they lost)...

Sherry, Renee, and Me! The moms who were always there.






Look at that intense concentration!

Brotherly Love

I have 3 sons of my own, but my kids also have another brother. He lives in Texas and came to visit last week. The visit was too short but it was good. It amazes me how close they are even though the live so far away from each other.

You have Jordan on the rear left, Joey on the rear right and Scottie in the front (wearing Bubba's Franklin basketball shirt)...

I love the picture.

God's delay is not a denial...

I have to keep telling myself that. A lot. Over and over and over again. I work. I work a lot. I work all the time. But for what? I pay rent, utilities, my car, insurance, food, a little bit of entertainment, and all the extras for the boys. Jordan's sports, Joey's school (not an extra a neccesity)...



There's one thing I want but can't have, it seems no matter how hard I work. That is my own home. Don't get me wrong, I love my neighborhood and if I could buy my own house and plop it right on this lot I would be in hog heaven. But I can't do that. I can't even buy a house. Even with prices like they are I couldn't afford the payment on my own.



There's a perfect one out there for me right now. It's right next door to my mom's house, it's a nice house for a nice price, but not something I can do.



So I pray, every day, that some way, some how I can someday own my very own home. I'm almost 40 years old so I need it to come soon or what's the point? So every day after I pray, I tell myself, God's delay is not a denial.



I have to believe that, I just do.

Oncologist Visit #2

I have 2 oncologists, one from my radiation place and the other at Kaiser. I saw the Kaiser one today. He did his exam and of course asked me about my weight, I lost 5 lbs since I saw him last so I didn't get the "weight in relation to cancer" lecture that usually goes on for 30 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I like him, but I can only hear what I already know so many times. LOL

He said everything seems ok, but he ordered a mammogram for a couple of days from now. I shouldn't go until May but he wants me to go early. He noted that he felt something so they would rush it.

I'm scared to death to go. What if they find something, what if it's back, what if I have new lumps/cancer? And too much pressure hurts my right breast (the cancerous one) so I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the pain.

We'll see what happens. Until then, I'm healthy and good to go.

Oncology visit...

I went to see my radiation oncologist Dr. V on Thursday. He checked my skin and said it's healing and looking really good. He atributed it to the cream he prescribed me and told me to keep using it. Dunny thing is I haven't used it since the 2nd week in November. LOL But he said he hopes to never have to see me again (me too) and to stop by any time just to say hello. He also said to make sure to get my mammogram on time and let them know about my lumpectomies when I do.

I go for my 6 month check up with Dr. Shum of Kaiser, my other oncologist on the 17th of February (Christopher's 23rd birthday by the way) and I dread going to him. Only because I haven't lost one pound and he is the one who harps on me about my weight (like I don't know I'm fat?) and tells me I need to really lose some weight. I know this to be true, but that doesn't make it easy. I keep saying I'm going to and I keep doing what I've been doing and of course we see where that got me. I say I'm going to go to the gym, I actually like to go, but really where am I supposed to find the time?

I work Monday - Friday 7:30-4:30, then I work Monday, Tuesday, & Thursday at Penney's from 5:30-9:30. Wednesdays and Fridays are Jordan's basketball games from 5:30 until about 7 and then I have to get home and cook dinner. I work a few hours usually on Saturdays and some Sundays, but when I don't I have to do housework. You would think with all that I would lose something but NO! I don't know, I'm just frustrated more lately because of that and other stresses. I hope eventually it will all work out. **shrugs**

Responsibility

Responsibility is a funny thing. Some people embrace it and accept it weather they want to or not. Others just ignore it, I guess hoping or knowing someone else will take care of it. In my case I have been disgustingly responsible for myself and others since I was 15 years old. Even if I wanted to blow it off it wouldn't be possible. So of course it really makes me wonder about people who can not care about and blow off the things they are responsible for. Do they not wonder if their responsibilities will need their care and attention? How do you not live up to your responsibilites? Really?

I've been working pretty much non stop since I was 15 years old, with a little time off here and again for surgeries or short vacations. For the last 5 1/2 years I have been working 2 jobs. I want so bad to quit the second job, I'm just done with it. But I can't and I don't know when/if I ever will be able to. I'm paying to send one kid to college while paying the extra money to keep my other one in the sports he plays, and he will be in college eventually. Basketball shoes, baseball cleats, and all that goes with it does not come cheap. OH, and I make too much money to have him qualify for financial aid. What a joke! Do you know how much books alone cost? Eventually my son will be going from community college to a bigger (translation more expensive) college. I'm thinking when that happens I will be in the market for a third job. Hey, who needs sleep, it's all overrated right?

I have a severe case of the "have tos".....

I don't know if anyone else gets these but I have an awful case of the "have tos"....

I get up because I have to.
I take a shower because I have to.
I brush my teeth because I have to.
I go to work because I have to.
I comb my hair because I have to.
I put my make up on because I have to.

If I could stay at home, be stinky, yellow teeth, matted hair, and in my jammies and my Uggs I would be content.

Christmas and other goings on....

Well Christmas was really nice this year and I enjoyed the season. On Christmas Eve my kids go to their dad's and spend time with him and his family. I went to my cousin's apartment with my mom & my nephew and watched her kids and my other cousin open their gifts.

Christmas Day was fun because it was the first year that Kaden was really into it. He kept wanting "pesents" and would say "For me? I can open?"... I bought him some clothes and a new tricycle. I will post pictures soon when the weather is a bit better, I get him a helmet, and he can ride in my street. He can't pedal yet so he's so funny to watch doing it Flinstone style. I got some nice gifts, a watch I wanted from Joey and I got a new vacuum which I needed badly!!!

Last night I spent the night at Dameron Hospital. Jordan fell at basketball practice at Franklin and thought he broke his elbow. So my mom called me at work, I rushed to meet her at Dameron, and we waited. They x-ray'd his elbow and said there were no "obvious" fractures but the tissue was swollen and bruised. He couldn't put his arm straight because it hurt so bad so they put it in a splint and a sling and said to follow up with Kaiser the next day.

So, today we went to Kaiser and they said it was still too soon to x-ray again but he could move it a little more, but he still can't straighten out. He has to keep the splint on and in the sling and we have a new appointment on Monday for a new x-ray to make for certain there are no fractures.

I'm telling you this kid has had more x-rays than my other 2 put together. He broke his wrist 2 1/2 years ago playing basketball. There was a pen on the court/playground and he stepped on it and rolled and landed on his hand. He's always falling on his left hand too which is bad because he's left handed.

I'm thinking it won't be broken but we'll have to wait and see. If it is he will miss out on basketball and maybe baseball this season and we don't want that to happen.

Well I'm off to work, which is something I've been doing massively for the season. I'm so glad it's almost over. I say almost because we still have returns and after Christmas sales so we have yet to slow down. LOL

Christmas Tree

I've been working 14-16 hour days for a few weeks not so I never really had a chance to get a Christmas tree. If I wasn't working I was exhausted, I mean I only started my Christmas shopping last Friday so you do the math.

Yesterday I finally decided I wasn't going to get a tree because I'd be the one doing all of the work with it anyway so why bother. Well Jordan must have wanted one because he said he would help put it up and take it down. So I worked today 5:45 a.m.-1:30 p.m. and then went to a baby shower while Jordan was at his friends.


After I picked Jordan up from his friend's house I headed to S-mart to get one of their nice $19.99 trees. Well we pull up and of course, they are all out. So we got the only thing they had left.

I'm still trying to figure out how to put some lights on it.

Happy 16th Birthday Jordan...

Man 16... I can't believe my baby is 16. It just seems like yesterday he was born then went to kindergarten and started playing baseball and football and all the things little boys love to do. Kaden woke him up by telling him "Happy Bitday" (not misspelled) Jodan (again, not misspelled)... LOL

We went to his favorite place to eat Chili's and they came and sang Happy Birthday to him and brought him a milkshake. He was soooooooo embarrassed. LOL It's such a change because we went there once when he was little and he went to the bathroom and told me now was the time to tell the waitresses to surprise him by singing Happy Birthday and bringing him a shake. LOL I reminded him of that but he didn't remember.

He's not driving yet, and won't be for a while, he also is not working yet, and prolly won't for a while because he needs to concentrate on getting his grades up. I'm a little sad he's growing up so fast but I'm also glad I'm here to see it. So many things could have gone a worse way this year so I'm enjoying it all.

Happy Birthday Jordan!

Jordan on his 13th birthday......

Jordan May 12, 2006 with Kaden (oh yeah, and his broken wrist)... LOL

Back to normal?

Well it's been a month since I finished radiation and things are getting pretty much back to normal. But it's a new normal, there is the normal before the cancer and the new normal after the cancer. I'm taking medication daily and I now have scars, physical and otherwise, that were not there before, my skin is still healing, it's a funny color and with my shirt off I can see the square area where the radiation went and I'm still peeling. It's almost like a sunburn peel but a little different.

I've gone back to working at the store lots of hours, just like I would any other holiday. I still can tire a little more easily than normal. I get bursts of energy where I feel like I could climb a mountain, the other day I cleared off my entire kitchen counters and wipped them down then I scrapped the grout of the tile and though, hey when I'm done I'll go do this in the bathroom. Well that did not happen, once I was done in the kitchen I was exhausted. LOL I'm trying to get back to cooking on my nights off and sometimes when I do I wind up leaving the dishes until the next day because I'm too tired to do them at night.

I'm a changed person in many ways, none that I think people will really notice or see on the outside but I can feel it.

I did see my oncologist a week ago and he said I'm doing great. I have to keep taking my pills and have a mammogram once year and be very aware of any changes to my breasts. He was on my for about 20 minutes about my weight, which I expected, but didn't care to hear. It's not like I think I'm thin. I know I'm fat, I know it's not good, I know it needs to be changed. I want to change it I really do, and I will when I'm ready. I'm looking into getting some walking shoes and starting there, I need a really good pair so I'll wait until after Christmas when I have the extra money for me. I've found a really good pair of New Balance that I am going to get me, they are actually running shoes but I've been told that's a good thing to get.

It's actually more expensive to eat healthy than it is to eat badly... LOL I mean have you seen the price of fruits and veggies? Plus I'm not a big veggie fan so that is going to be a hard one to get in on a daily basis. But I will get it done. I know I can. After what I've been through, I can do ANYTHING!

Just a craptastic weekend...

The weekend started out not so good on Friday and continued from there. Without getting into it I just had a bad day Friday and had to take care of some stuff that I thought I had already taken care of but didn't... Not a good beginning....

I worked on Saturday for 4 hours and then had my grandson for the night, of course that was great.... But the day just went by too fast.

Then Sunday morning comes and my dad calls to let me know his mother, my grandmother passed away last night. She has had a few strokes and wasn't really doing well the past week or so and he told me last week he didn't think it would be long. So I'm sad and guilty all in one.

See, I used to go visit my grandmother in the first home they put her in and she would always say bad things to me, before that she used to give me birthday cards that said she knew I didn't like her or old people but here's a check for my birthday anyway...

Now I'm not trying to make her out to be a bad person, because she was not, but I had aunts and cousins that used to fill her head with lots of things about my dad and us while using her money for their food, rent, clothes, etc... My dad put a stop to that as soon as he found out.

But for some reason she would do and say these mean things to me. So I stopped going to visit her. Truth be told I have not seen her for over 4 years. And while I have felt bad about it, I just really couldn't handle the negative visits, even though I knew she was old and it wasn't her fault.

So now she's gone and my dad will not be having a service for her, he will prolly just bury her by his dad who has been dead for many years, way before I was ever even thought of, way before my parents even met. He said why have a service for people to come to when people didn't even come see her when she was alive. While he was not referring to me because he knew and understood why I didn't go, it still hurt and the guilt came on. He mean my aunts, his sisters because after he cut off their access to her money they stopped coming around. One aunt hasn't seen her in over 5 years and the other one way longer and like me they live nearby one is in Stockton and one in Clements. My uncle, my dad's brother, is in prison in Washington state but even before that he only came to her for money too. My dad has decided he won't even call any of them to let them know of her passing. I'm not sure I agree, but I understand.

So, I'm sitting here feeling like the worst person who ever lived and feeling really bad for my dad for losing his mom. I do take comfort in the fact she was in no pain, he was there with her and she just closed her eyes, fell asleep, and then she was gone. I know she had visitors and I kept updated on her because my mom has a friend that was in the same home and she would visit them both often, in fact she just went out there on Tuesday and got her to eat a little chcolate pudding. But then I feel crappy again because my mom, her ex-DIL even went to see her. There's nothing I can do to change the past but I hope my dad doesn't hate me.

Rest in peace Grandma Audrey, because I know I may not have shown it, but I did love you and you will be missed.

What's with this new curly hair?

Today I had the day off, the perk of being a county worker... So last night I went and picked up my grandson Kaden so he could stay with me today. Since I had the day off I took a late shower and didn't even waste the time trying to blow dry my hair and fix it.

So I combed it out and let it dry naturally. Well imagine my shock and surprise when it dried and my normally straight hair was very curly. I have long hair so it's not tight curls but they are curls nonetheless...

Ok, I have had straight hair since the day I was born, I used to have to pay very good money to get even the idea of curls in my hair, not to mention scrunching and spraying and gelling... I'm sure I did my fair share of damage to the ozone layer in the 80's with all the Aqua Net I used to use.

I don't know if I like this new discovery or not, I'm still trying to figure out where it all came from. Maybe tomorrow I'll see if it does it again, I just won't blow dry it and straighten it in the morning. It will be an experiment. LOL

What does the future hold?

One thing I need to get back on track with, that I was doing before the diagnosis, is losing all this EXCESS weigh on my fat butt. I'm very obviously NOT a small girl, I'm actually very big. But I'm going to get back in gear to work on that.

I haven't always been a big girl, I mean I haven't been a tiny girl, I'm just not built that way but I want to be healthy. It's about weight but it's also about health. Even my oncologist has said I need to lose and I know it.

So, I've got to come up with a plan of action. I have a gym membership, and I actually normally like the gym I just need to find the time. I don't have a plan yet, but I'm going to make one. I have to do it in a way that it will go off and stay off. None of that yo-yo stuff.


What to do, what to do?

Old picture of me and Wendy... I think I was a size 7. OMG!

Halloween 08 and mall trick or treating

Well I took Kaden trick or treating in the mall for Halloween. His mommy was at work and his daddy stayed home so it was just him and Grandma. He had fun and got lots of candy even though when we were done he told me there were "too much 'tids' (kids)". He's really not used to being around a lot of kids Jordan and Robert are pretty much it except for Sam's sister's kids and even they are a little older. He plays with Isaiah (my cousin Amanda's son) but not a lot either.

After we went trick or treating we got a Jack O'lantern pizza from Papa Murphy's it was cute and he liked it.


Spiderman showing his muscles

He was flirting with the girls at Penney's

He really didn't get what was going on

I'm eating my candy Grandma

We got a Jack O' lantern pizza from Papa Murphy's

I'm done I graduated!!!! And I got new BRAS!!!

Well on Friday I went in for my radiation appointment wondering if it was going to be my last. Well it was!!!!!! Yes, I was so excited I can't even tell you how happy I was. While all the people are really nice, from the receptionists, to the nurse, to the doctor but especially the technicians. They were awesome and I appreciated all they did for me.


I got a certificate and a little graduation bear which I thought was great!

It says Mary Franks has completed the prescribed course of Radiation Therapy with a high order of proficiency in the science and art of being cheerful, outstanding in courage, tolerant and determined in all endeavors. Then it has all of my technicians names and signed by the doctor.

It's not often I'm called cheerful. LOL

Well when this all started I was in dire need of some new bras. I hate to shop for most clothes, bras included. It's not easy for me to buy thing or find things I like that fit or look ok since I'm NOT a small girl. Well after my surgeries all I could wear were sports bras. Those suckers are expensive so I only got two. I alternated them, washed them, and hated them. I had to wear tank tops under most of my shirts because you could see the bras. Well now I'm ok to wear "real & normal" bras. So shopping I went.


Imagine my surprise when I went into work at Penney's today hell bent on buying me some bras after work no matter what I had to spend, and saw that they were on morning doorbuster. Talk about luck. Not only were all the bras on sale for $17.99 we had coupons for if you spend $50 you get $10 off or if you spend $75 you get $15 off, PLUS my 20% discount. Life is great.


So I bought me 5 new bras to bring home and try on and I decided to pick 3 to keep. It was too hot in the store to try them on there and I wanted to be able to check them out really good before deciding. I actually got $30/$35 bras for $11.99 each.

Now there is a difference in the way they fit because of course after the tissue removal my right breast is a little bit smaller now and shaped different. But it's there, it's healthy, and soon will be almost back to normal skin wise (I'm REALLY peeling) so that's just a little price to pay.

I thank God and all the doctors and all my family and friends for getting me through this. I still have issues to deal with but for now I'm feeling great!

OMG are you meffing kidding me?

I'm having the treatments that never end... Yesterday they tell me I may have to come back Monday or I'll be one treatment short. Well they called me today to see if I could come in early on Friday, my last day, and that I don't have to come back Monday. So of course I say yes, lets get this over with ASAP....

Well I get there and RIGHT before I got there the server went down and they couldn't bring anything up and I couldn't do my treatment. So now I may have to go Monday anyway. Because one treatment less may be ok, but they don't know about two. So we'll see when I get there tomorrow.

I need to stop getting so excited until it's actually over. I'm going to bed.

Random things you may or may not know about me...

1. My favorite movie in the world is The Wizard of Oz
2. I don't like cheese
3. I love Dr. Pepper
4. I've bitten my nails since I was ten years old
5. I hate diet soda
6. I hate sweet tea
7. I don't like chinese food
8. I don't like fish
9. I love shrimp, lobster, and crab
10. I voted for the first time when I was 26 years old
11. When my kids were little one week I had 3 jobs and worked 86 hours in that week
12. My first car was a '76 Toyota Corolla
13. I had my first kid when I was 16 and my last when I was 23
14. I graduated high school at 17
15. My first job was at A&W Resturant
16. I became a grandma at 36
17. I had a hysterectomy at 36
18. I hate to fly
19. I want to go to Disneyland at Christmastime BAD
20. My birthday lands on Thanksgiving every 5 years or so
21. I failed my first behind the wheel driver's test
22. My 2nd toe on my feet are shorter than my 3rd toe
23. I can't roll my tongue (and it's inherited so I can't learn how)
24. I'm horrible at math
25. I work in the Fiscal Department at work and my title is Accounting Technician I (true story)
26. I can't stand to see blood
27. I will clean your ears with Qtips if you let me (I hate dirty ears)
28. I will pop the zits on your back
29. I love the smell of vanilla or sugar cookie candles
30. I can make cinnamon rolls from scratch
31. I hate thunder & lightening
32. I still watch MTV Real World/Road Rules challenges
33. I love to watch The Biggest Loser... while eating peach cobbler
34. I hate to wear shoes and will wear flip flops as far into the winter as I can
35. I probably own 50 pairs of flip flops (thanks Old Navy)
36. I want to go to Hawaii but probably never will (see number 18)
37. I randomly take college classes online and am working towards a degree in Public/Business Administration if I didn't have 2 jobs I would take more
38. I hate my natural hair color and have been blonde for 5 years until this year when I went dark again
39. I LOVE, literally LOVE my DVR (It's like my boyfriend)
40. I watch General Hospital
41. My favorite tv show of all time is Roseanne
42. I don't attend church but I pray. A lot! (even before the cancer)
43. My dream car is a 2003 Cadillac Escalade in Pearl White with 24" chrome rims & tires
44. I collect cows and have since I was 19 years old
45. I have a king sized bed and I sleep on one side and never even roll to the middle
46. I love my Uggs
47. I'm named after my mom's two sisters one who passed away at 19 and the other is still alive
48. My middle name is Yvonne
49. I'm a meat eating kind of girl
50. I've never owned a brand new car
51. I only have on living grandparent
52. I have one sister (she lives in Oklahoma) but two step-sisters
53. I can cook, but I hate to cook, but of course I do cook
54. The inseam on my legs is 36"
55. I don't like Mariah Carey's music
56. I can not watch Celine Dion or Jessica Simpson sing (they look like they are having seizures)
57. I am a tabloid magazine junkie I buy at least 4 a week
58. Team Aniston
59. I own every season of Friends on DVD including the season finale
60. I played fast pitch softball for 4 years
61. I don't like Jim Carey or Hillary Swank and I try to avoid their movies
62. I have not seen any Lord of The Rings movies
63. I have seen all the Harry Potter movies but read none of the books
64. Asprin makes me sick to my stomach
65. I hate my freckles
66. I love purses, especially Dooney & Bourke
67. I ate In & Out Burger for the first time 3 years ago
68. I used to crave ice and I had to have it 24/7 until my hysterectomy since I'm not anemic anymore the craving went away
69. I don't care much for chocolate but I do love Peanut M&M's
70. I like ice cream in the winter but not the summer, it melts too quick
71. My favorite ice cream is Cold Stone Cake Batter
72. All of my kids went to the same high school I did
73. I love chcolate chip cookie dough and will eat more dough than I make cookies
74. My money has to face the same way and be from smallest to largest denomination in my wallet
75. I hate the way lotion feels on my hands
76. I never wore braces but always wanted them
77. I like showers not baths
78. I make THE best chicken parmasan in the world
79. Mice and rats freak me out
80. I can walk into a pitch dark house no problem but I'm scared in the dark outside
81. I can stay in a squatted position for a long time and keep my balance
82. I don't like Gatorade
83. I drove from California to South Carolina in 50 hours
84. I have no sense of direction and will get lost coming home if I take a wrong turn (seriously)
85. I don't like to swim or be in the water
86. I like the flavor of food cooked with onions but I hate to eat the actual onions
87. I still put olives on my fingers like I did when I was a kid
88. I have 2 birthmarks
89. I used to have my tongue and my nose pierced
90. My favorite baseball team is the New York Mets and I would love to see them play at home
91. I'm usually not hungry when I'm done cooking because I eat while I cook
92. I blow out my candles on November 25th
93. I'm claustrophobic
94. I didn't like Halloween as a child all I wanted was bubble gum
95. I would rather clean the toilet than fold clean clothes
96. I got a 2nd job temporarily for extra money and have been there for 5 years
97. The girls at my 2nd job call me Maryfranks (one word) Idk why they just always have.
98. I can text perfectly without looking at my phone
99. I can't fall asleep without the tv on
100. Once I fall asleep I'll wake up in the middle of the night and then go to bed even if it's 5:30 a.m. and my alarm goes off at 5:45 a.m.

Well that's it, I know it's boring but once I got started I couldn't stop. LOL